The Infamous Dog Poo Fling

The other day while picking up the dog poop in my back yard I was reminded of one of the best Josh and Jared stories. It all started one April or May when the snow finally melted from our back yard. The winters in Utah last until mid May. Our dog, Cookie, had continued with her usual rate of dog poop production all winter long, whilst Josh and I did not keep up with our dog poop patrol that we had been mercilessly assigned to by our parents. When the snow melted it revealed what must have been the dog poop from every dog in the continental United States. My father, choking from the stench of the dog crap, which I remember being several feet thick, pointed out to the back yard and said, “I want you two to pick every dog poop up and put it trash bags and put it in the garbage can.” He handed me a shovel made of cast iron that must have weighed 90lbs, and to Josh he handed several trash bags that were so thin that even an errant breeze would rip them into shreds.

Faced with this Herculean task we trudged out into the backyard to face our doom. We tried and tried to bag the dog crap, but, alas it was too much for mere mortals. All of a sudden a bright idea came, we didn't have to put it into bags and then into the garbage can. The crap was only our problem if it was in OUR yard! The feces could simply be picked up with a shovel and flung over the fence into the neighbor's yard- PERFECT!!! I found the task of picking up dog crap was much less of a burden- especially since I didn't particularly care for these neighbors. The plan had no downside! The yard was soon devoid of dog crap and Josh and I went about our normal activities of pulling the tar up off the cracks in the road.

My dad noticed one day how the neighbor's house and yard smelled of dog crap (my dad cannot stand the smell of dog crap! To him it is the most vile smell in the universe). He took one look over the fence and quickly discovered what my brother and I had done. I'm not sure he was too fond of these neighbors either but his sense of propriety must have won over his conscience and he at least pretended to be angry with my brother and me. We were sent back out with shovel and bags to clean the mess up, which was quite extensive, and far smellier than the half frozen turds we had picked up in early May. Anyhow, the praises of a job well done that had been bestowed upon us weeks earlier were now replaced with a scornful stare and a spanked bottom all before Josh and I got to shovel the poop for the second time, this time into bags and the garbage can.

We had plenty of time and a sore bottom to help us reflect upon our poorly thought out plan. Putting the poop into their FRONT yard wasn't too bright, neither was putting it right under their bedroom window (which they actually never noticed or at least never complained to us about), but the worst part of our plan was that we chose the neighbor who DIDN'T HAVE A DOG to blame it on!